If this was a TV show it would be cancelled after three episodes

2005-08-05T19:11:00.000Z

.THE END.

The Last Post.

2005-08-03T13:20:00.000Z

After a lot of thinking. I have decided to stop doing my blog.
The reason is that I feel i now have nothing much to say really, and rather than repeating myself over and over again I feel it would be best to stop doing it.

If you are one of the many people who have read this blog then I thank you for your time and sorry for probably boring most of you to sleep.

Thank you for those who sent me emails and pm's in different forums wishing me well.
One think I have learnt over the past 18months is that I have to take each day as it comes.
I hope to be back at work in the next few months and I will definetly be back for Christmas (baring a major hiccup).

I will be doing another blog soon. Which will have nothing to do with me.
Unsure what it will be about yet, maybe a type of review blog.

Doing this blog has helped me get down what I want to say and how I feel. Maybe nobody did read it and I was typing this to just myself.
If that was the case then I say Andrew1971 you were a great audience.

You can get in touch with me at. andrew71.blog@gmail.com please no spam because i just delete it.

Take care and goodbye.

Catch up.

2005-07-20T14:41:00.000Z

Sorry to keep you waiting for so long.
Nothing much changed since last spoke to you (spoke?). It was my birthday on Sunday (17th July, make a note of it for next year please) which I spent at home.
I decided that I'd give the car a vacumn out. So I did that, and went to bed for a sleep. We'd gone out the previous night for a meal with Sharon's family to celebrate her grandma's 90th, so that was part of the reason for still feeling tired.
Got mostly money for my birthday, which I've decided I'm going to buy a mp3 player with. I never really fancied getting one before, but thought the other day whilst it is summer! it will be good to have something listen to whilst I am sitting in the garden. There are too many out nowadays and it is complicated working out which one to buy.
Went to see my manager about coming back to work in a phasing capacity. This means I would come back to work gradually first for a few hours then more each week.
Work have said that I would still be able to see the companies occupational health when I am back at work. Which is good because it means that once you are back at work you are not forgot about.
At the moment I still wouldn't be fit to go back to work. It will probably take another couple of months for the company to set things in motion for me to go back to work, by which time I would hope to be ready.
I have noticed that I am having a longer period of good days. Which is good, but when I get bad days they seem to be worse than the previous bad days, but not as long.
Let's see what happens.

Black cloud again

2005-07-05T10:13:00.000Z

I went into town yesterday to get Sharon a card and a present for our anniversary today. (I got her some perfume, she's received it now so no point not saying).
I'd gotten up and taken daughter to school and then gone straight into town.
Actually should rewind and say I had a shit nights sleep of waking up getting to sleep etc etc. I decided to get up at 6.30am.
Any way after taking daughter to school I went into town (told you that part haven't I).
It felt good to be out and about. Went into one of my old workplaces and was talking to people in there, which of course passes the time. Said I'd love to take my coat off and start putting the stock out.
Any way I got home and had my first rest period of the day (this involves being on my own in quietness, just resting)
.
Later on in the day I started to feel down. I just feel that over the past few days I've taking one hell of a step back. I honestly thought I was doing well but of course that is not the case. I really did feel down last night (still do now) for the first time in a long time.
Had a good talk to Sharon about it and she said maybe I need to stop doing as much has I do. That's the trouble I get bored doing nothing and I feel guilty if I do nothing. I am not the type of person who can sit and do nothing. I get frustrated, which I suppose makes me feel worse. I guess though that if I am to get myself better then maybe I do need to stop being so bloody stubborn and listen to people who I love advice.

Stick around

2005-07-02T20:24:00.000Z

After trying for the past couple of weeks to not rely on my crutches so much I have had to start using them again. It started yesterday (Friday) when I came to the door to help Sharon with the shopping. I got up and started to take a few steps then both my legs went funny. No pain but they felt numb especially the left leg again. I thought it may of been cramp (although it didn't feel like cramp) so tried walking it off. I went to pick up daughter from school in the car and I had to take my sticks to walk short distance from car to school. I decided today that maybe that was just a one off and I went to the local shop without my sticks. I knew I was going to struggle before I got around our corner but being the stubborn person I am I carried on. I could feel my legs getting worse when I got to the shop, which meant I had to do the walk all the way back again.
I had a shit day yesterday (Friday) and today has not improved. I honestly felt I was started to improve, but after today and yesterday I feel I have achieved nothing.
Of course it doesn't help which then makes me feel down again.
I have decided that I have got to get back to using my sticks again. I felt guilty when I told Sharon I needed to use them again. But quiet honestly I don't feel not using them as helped my legs at all infact I'd go as far to say that I have gone back a step (no pun intended)

six months more?

2005-07-02T20:12:00.000Z

I went to see the doctor the other day because my works doctor was writing to him to see what he felt regarding my condition and the possibility of me going back to work.
I told him I was getting better mentally but was still having problems regarding the physical side of things. I told him that I was doing more around the house and I was not relying on my sticks as much to get about. He asked me how long I could do work before I needed a rest, I told him the truth and said about 30 minutes then I need to sit down and rest. He told me that there is no way I am ready to go back to work and the letter he had received from my works doctor was basically asking about me going back to work for a hour the first week then extending it over the next few weeks. He's given me a sicknote now for six month and said I need to get back to basics with the resting and working.
I came out of the doc's feeling low because I guess that it means that work will now lay me off. Of course I could lie and say I am getting better but I feel that would be cheating myself.

Holiday here we come.

2005-06-23T21:40:00.000Z

Sharon received a phone call the other day off one of her friends to say that she's won a prize in a draw she had entered. The prize was a 2 week cruise for two around the Mediterranean. WOW. Of course Sharon didn't believe her at first (me neither). Sharon was overwhelmed with winning and I am glad she looked so happy. She's had to put up with a lot with me and this past 18months so its good to see her happy.
Of course Sharon had to go with her friend to collect the prize from the meeting they both went to. Soon has she told everyone the first thing they asked is "is it a time share?" etc etc.
She can take the cruise or Â£1000 in holiday vouchers. After we both talked about it decided to take the vouchers. Of course all sort of things go round in your head, where to go, need a passport etc etc. Thought about taking the daughter to Disneyland Paris, or saving up and going to Florida in 2007. But we've decided to have an holiday next year instead. We've got the holiday so all we need now is just to save up. Last time we went on holiday abroad must of been nearly 10years ago, and so our daughter has never been on a plane, she will enjoy that more than the holiday probably.

The changing point? maybe.

2005-06-23T21:33:00.000Z

You have probably noticed that I've not posted on here as much lately. Reason being. Well there is no reason really. I've not suddenly gotten so bad that I am unable to post anything, and also I've not all of a sudden gotten better. So rather than saying everyday "felt good" or "felt bad" just decided to leave things.
I have been walking more without my sticks/crutches last few days. Things like going to local shop without them and taking daughter to school (still going in car but now not walking with stick from car to school).
Now Don't get me wrong my legs have suddenly not gotten better, I can feel the pain in them still and I am still taking the pain killers, but I've decided to see how I can cope over next couple of weeks by using them less. This next few weeks is the test. Maybe I've relied on them too much lately and so by not relying on them I'm hoping to strengthen my legs. Of course this could all backfire on me and make my legs worse than before.
I have been getting tired again lately but not sure if that is because I am doing more.
I have got to go and see my doctor next week to see what he has to say regarding a letter he has written to my works doctor. I have asked to see the report because it would be interesting to see if my own doc thinks I should be able to go to work soon or if he thinks I am not ready to go back yet. How do I feel.
I feel over the past month or so I have got better but of course if I do say I am better and I go back to work gradually who is to say that I will not suffer again.
Guess this is the chance I have to take. I am also nervous about going back to work (if I am allowed to). Nervous because after being off for nearly 18months things will have changed. New staff, new bosses, new uniforms!. So basically I will be starting a new job I guess.

Shed load of use.

2005-06-09T00:55:00.000Z

We decided yesterday that whilst our daughter was out for the day we would clear the shed out. Of course as usual Sharon did majority of the work. We had three piles. Stuff to go back in, stuff to be thrown and stuff to give back or away. So after clearing the shed out I said I'd take the rubbish to the tip. Now I've said previously I hate doing nothing so I have to keep myself busy. I know I shouldn't but I do it. Of course I carried the rubbish to the car in the wheelbarrow, saving having to do umpteen trips back and forth.
We finished it off and I took the rubbish to the tip. I got there and because my legs were by now giving me trouble and plus the fact that you have to put the rubbish into different sections (recycling) I had to go from one section to the other. Now one thing I hate is impatience. There was a fella in a car behind us who was getting slightly peeved off that I was taking my time (sorry can't help that) Now don't know about you but if someone wants me to hurry up and is getting annoying well I'd take my time even more.
I wouldn't have minded but all he was putting in the section was cardboard. Sure he could of got out his car and walked with it.
At this moment my legs feel like they are tied to some bricks pulling them down.
And the rest of my body wants to shut down. I know I shouldn't do these things but I feel guilty if I'd let Sharon do all the work and I'd done nothing.

I've been shot at.

2005-06-08T22:09:00.000Z

The kids round our way have been off school this past few weeks, plus the fact we've had some nice days of weather can only mean one thing. The water comes out. Now I have to admit I started it first time by getting some of the kids wet with our water pistols. Of course they got me back.
Now when I say water pistols, compared to the kids water guns, well I might of been better spitting at them.
Of course today the weather as been gorgeous (must be if I've got shorts on) which meant the water was out again, this time in force. After trying to get them with our water spitters (oh look I'm getting wet) decided to get them with our hose pipe on spray. Now because I can't run or walk fast I'm an easy target really. So by the end of the night I was absolutely soaking.
I can't think why I could get away just by walking away can you?
I dread going out now incase I get soaked again. Kids don't you just love them.

When's and if's

2005-06-02T00:52:00.000Z

I mentioned in a previous post about aiming to go back to work on the 1st July. Maybe that should of read 1st July 2006! Becuase that date is out of the question now and I realize that now.
I went to see occupational health today regarding work. I can't really say what was said but I need to go and see him in another 3 months. Something that was mentioned would be go back in stages. At the moment I feel that would be pointless.
I did mention that I was doing more around the house than last time I'd seen him, which he commented was good. Maybe it is but I still get tired afterwards and I take my time doing things around the house.
But like I said to the Dr. WHEN I go back NOT if I go back.

"It's all in my mind"

2005-05-27T10:17:00.000Z

I decided yesterday that I have been imagining the M.E/CFS and to make my self better then I needed to start telling myself I was fine. Nothing wrong with me, If I think that I am ill then I will be ill. Simple really, why didn't I think of it before. Instead of getting myself down all the time worrying about it then I have to stop worrying and put it to the back of my mind.
So yesterday I decided to do some things round the house. Things like vacuuming the downstairs, mopping the floor, washing the pots and putting the washing out. Now before you have a go about a man doing these jobs. I wanted to do them because I wanted to prove a point. Of course Sharon let me get on with it (well she would do a man doing the cleaning like that, why stop him). Within a hour I had done all these jobs. Felt tired but that's probably because I haven't done a lot of work in an hour like that for a while. I'd normally would of taken all day to wash the pots before.
Next thing to do was to go for a walk without my walking aid (crutches). Rely on them too much and if I stop using them then I have got to be able to walk properly.
I started off walking to the post box and I got there and I decided to go back home but go back a different route. Take a slight extended diversion. Nothing wrong with that, right? No wrong.
Half way home and my legs started going. First the left leg, then a few paces more the right leg started going too. Not good, no crutches to hold me up.
I got onto my road and by now both my legs felt heavy and unattached to the rest of my body. I could feel them both wanting to collapse on me.
Not good. Got home and I felt recked.
Few hours later one of the neighbours came round to ask if I was OK?
Fine thinking she meant then. She'd seen me walking down the road and she was ready to rush out, she thought I was about to collapse on the floor. (It looked like I was drunk).
I eventually went to sleep to recover.
So what did I prove? Just that I am Mr Stubborn and I proved nothing other than I am not ready to go back to work.
Sharon knows this but she wanted to prove a point and it worked.

I'm in pain

2005-05-22T21:24:00.000Z

Now this will make you laugh, on my behalf. I started to get stomach pains late last night about 10pm. Now of course it was trapped wind. I did everything I could to get rid of it. It kept coming and going over the next few hours until by about 1am the pain was so severe that I had to wake Sharon up. Of course she had to ring up NHS direct. Now when I saw the pain was severe, it felt like someone was squashing the inside of my stomach with a hot poker. The pain was intenese (much worse than pain when had appendix out)and it was making me curl up and making me sweat. Of course it was trapped wind and I knew that but at the time I was in agony and I would have cut myself open if it meant getting rid of the pain. (I hope this makes you smile)

I am scared.

2005-05-22T21:11:00.000Z

I know I keep going on about my legs, but when you rely on them so much you realize how much you do need them when they are not working. Thank God (I'm not religious but I keep saying that) that I can still use them at the moment.
Of course there as got to be a reason why I am posting this on here now and there is. Yesterday I decided to go to the newsagent's to get my daily papers. Now this walk would have normally taken me about just under 5 minutes over a year ago. Yesterday it took me over 20 minutes.
I know I have been having problems with my left leg but now things seem to be going worse. My left leg is getting worse and my right leg is now going how my left leg went. I did think about turning back but to me that defeats the task and I don't want to do that. I got home and as well has feeling exhausted I also felt depressed because of how things were. I mentioned this before that over a month a go I felt things were getting better and if they carried on I could probably beat this. This isn't so now it seems that everything as got worse, the tiredness comes on more and the exhaustion is nearly always there. I feel pissed off with it and it gets me angry too. The leg situation is getting me down too because I am scared to say it but, well I am scared. What if things never improve, what if they get worse?
The walk to the shop took so long because I kept stopping to get my legs moving again. I could feel my legs giving way, and the only thing to support me was my walking crutches. I did want to, and I thought I would beat this but now I worry that I won't do and that scares me.

Out and about

2005-05-20T00:48:00.000Z

Because I was feeling down on Wednesday decided that I needed to get out of the house on Thursday. The only outings I get are taking our daughter to school or going to the local shop. I can't get into the car and drive a distance incase I have a blackout and because of my legs so really limited to where I can go.
So Sharon and I decided we would go around one of the local villages in Stockport and then make our way to one of the other towns away from Stockport. It's amazing how you can go away from your own town and meet somebody you know. We were just heading back to the car when a couple go past me and then I hear this voice say "Andrew". Of course because you are away from your own area you don't expect to see someone you know and I looked at this woman as if to say "who are you" then I realised it was one of my old work colleagues from the airport. It was good to see someone and catch up with them.
After the day I got home and guess what I did.
Yes went straight to bed and slept for a couple of hours

No improvement.

2005-05-20T00:35:00.000Z

If you had asked me how I felt last month I would of said I felt I was making an improvement but over the past couple of weeks I would have to say things have taken a change for the worse.
Every day as become a bad day. In fact I am struggling to remember a good day now. I start off some mornings feeling good, but then I start to feel like shit again. I am feeling more tired and after having the strength of my pain killers increased I can still some pain in my legs again.
The pain killers are slightly numbing the pain but then they are making my legs feel very light has if they are not connected to the rest of my body.
Of course with this it means that I am feeling down too. I felt very low on Wednesday it was a case of why me again. Just when I felt there was an improvement this happens. I know I have to stop doing so much activity, but when you are used to being an active person at work it is hard to stop yourself from getting bored. I am not the type of person who can sit and relax all day, but maybe I will have to if it means me beating this.

Build your own.

2005-05-17T11:41:00.000Z

Spent all weekend building a barbecue and a garden heater. Now don't worry I didn't build them from bricks or wood but from a shop bought ones that you have to build yourself. Of course it took me all weekend to build them but I have to say I am very pleased with what I achieved. I am the worse DIYer in the world. I hate DIY so for me to do this all on my own is a great achievment. Now like I said it did take me all weekend and I had lots of rest between each section of the builds, but I can't believe how easy it was to do.
Oh and the food was lovely on the barbecue.

The pain is there.

2005-05-17T11:38:00.000Z

The last few weeks the pain in my legs has started to get worse. Of course the left leg is the main problems but I am now getting more pains in my right leg too. I can't think that I have done anything to make the pain more worse so I am unsure as to why this is happening. Of course it is making me feel restless and when I sit down I can feel it hurting so then I have to move about which makes it feels worse again. (guess I can't win). I've had to go the Doc's to get strength of the pain killers I am on increased. Of course the positve way to look at it is that the pain could be a way of telling me my legs are getting better. I will have to see what happens.

Contact me.

2005-05-11T11:50:00.000Z

Decided that seeing as there is so many people reading this blog, and God only know's why. I will set up an email address where people can post comments or questions. If the question is a good one I will post it on here.
Oh my email address is
andrew71.blog@gmail.com.

taking it in turns.

2005-05-08T14:02:00.000Z

Well after our little one being ill. It was the turn of Sharon to be ill on Friday.
It started on Thursday night and by early Friday morning I was woken by the sound of Sharon being "ill". Nice.
So because daughter was feeling much better on Friday I said I would take her out for a couple of hours (well less than that) into Stockport then later for her tea at McDonalds. Too give Sharon some piece and quiet.
So everything was fine and everyone was happy. Then later on at night daughter decided to "let go" of her stomach. (no comments about McDonalds food please).
Any way both were ok on Saturday. Which meant I could recover from this week. I've had a shit couple of days especially yesterday when I felt the worse I have felt for a long time.
It's that scale going up and down again looks like.

My liitle baby.

2005-05-06T00:52:00.000Z

You may notice that I never refer to our daughter by name. Reason being that I feel very protective of her and Sharon and myself can defend ourselves where as our daughter cannot. I did toy with the idea of giving her a false name on here but that defeats the whole thing.
She is under six and yet I feel she is still my little baby. In a way she still is and I will probably be the same when she is over 20.
I would hope that when she gets older and if she becomes one of those obnoxious teenagers "who hate everyone" because "no one cares and understands" she could read this blog and understand just how much Sharon and I do love her.

Poorly child.

2005-05-06T00:40:00.000Z

Our daughter has not been well past couple of days. So last night (Wednesday) Sharon had to go out somewhere. As always happens our daughter started being sick and complaining of stomach pain in her right side. Of course alarm bells start ringing. Of course Sharon was worried about her but I told her not too worry and for her to go where she needed to go and I would look after our daughter.
She was still complaining of stomach pains later on so decided to contact NHS direct. After speaking to a nurse they asked if I wanted to bring her to the emergency doctors. Decided probably best to do so just to be on safe side.
Our appointment was at 10pm at night which meant I had to make sure she didn't go back to sleep (bugger to wake up when she is asleep). Eventually got to see the doctor at 11pm. Now I wouldn't have minded but there was only about 3 people waiting and yet all we saw coming in and out were staff.
Anyway she was ok, so brought her home to put her back to bed.
She seems a lot better today. But now it looks like Sharon could be coming down with it.
I couldn't help thinking that maybe I was being an overprotective father taking her to the emergency doctor. But then I realize how much she means to me (and Sharon of course) (if she reads this).

May the 5th be with you.

2005-05-04T11:50:00.000Z

Apparently tomorrow there is an election going on in United Kingdom tomorrow (May 5th) if you didn't know. Barring some shock then it is almost certain that the country will wake up to Labour in power again on Friday.
Who gets my vote? That is between me and my paper, all though Labour only win because the Tories and Lib Dems have two leaders who don't exactly make you want to vote for them do they? Yes I know we are voting for the party not the leader but Michael Howard looks like an headmaster and as for Charles Kennedy, well what can I say.
Can't help being amused that if Lib Dems did win the election that they would panic. It would be like when the worse player in the school soccer team gets the ball and they panic what to do with it.

Taxi for who?

2005-04-30T13:58:00.000Z

I am sure early this morning someone was filming for a new television series outside our home.
We were woken up at around 3 am by a taxi driver beeping his horn annoyingly. From what I gathered it looks like there was trouble with the driver and his passengers. Not sure if they refused to pay but there was a lot of commotion going on. The driver then hit three or four cars on one road when he was reversing and hit another couple on another road. Now I am not sure if he was trying to get away from the customers or he was trying to chase them.
Sharon phoned the police and they said they'd had a number of calls coming from our area about it. (neighborhood watch is great around here).
I have never seen so many people out on the street, even in the day there is never this many people. I am sure other neighbor's would have seen much more so we will eventually get the full story.
The driver was bringing the passengers back from Burnley to Stockport (If by any chance you are a non United Kingdom resident i.e American reading this then please look up Burnley and Stockport distance. I would do it for you but why spoil the fun). Personally if it had been myself has the taxi driver I would have asked for a deposit first.
Oh what joy's we have in our life.
The police have arrested the passengers and the taxi driver and our car is ok.

For hire, shed and fence painter

2005-04-25T12:00:00.000Z

Sharon and I did some work in the garden this weekend. Well she did all the digging etc and I set to starting to pain the fence and the shed. I had a good day on Saturday and I did more than I thought I would. Well giving the shed 2 coats was good for me. I started again on Sunday but I could tell it was getting to me because I started to feel more drained. I only managed to do about 90mins and that includes taking a few breaks in between.
I woke up this morning and after taking our daughter to school I am in no fit state to carry on doing the painting today. I sense I overdone it a bit at the weekend, but as usual I had to carry on even when I knew I was getting tired.
It seems to be the "I'll just get this done first before I sit down" syndrome creeping in again. I should of told myself to stop when I knew I should stop not when it suited me. I have got to learn I can't keep doing that.

Body rocks

2005-04-22T22:02:00.000Z

Well another trip to the Doctor today. This time nothing to do with M.E or my legs (for a change).
For the probably over a decade now (it is probably longer but who is counting) I have had problems with my nose. I can not smell anything with it (suppose it as it benefits sometimes). The problem is as well as not being able to smell and sounding like I have a cold all the time- (phone callers ask if my mum is in sometimes)I decided to get something done about it this year. After two referals to the hospital they said I had polyps in my nose. They gave me some steriods to see if they would get rid of it. That was a few months ago and now we are back to now. Anyway it's got worse lately and sometimes I have had problems breathing through my nose. So decided to go to the docs today. He's given me some more spray to see if that works. (I do have hayfever as well, sorry but I am a walking advert for body science aren't I?)
One thing that I just know will happen. My appointment is end of May for the hospital. They will check me out and then ask if I want to have the operation to remove the polyps. I say yes then I have to be booked in to get the operation done. Seems silly really. Of course last time they said there could be a very slight risk of them nicking (meaning cut not pinching) my brain. We know this to mean that if anything happens to you don't sue us because we told you. Of course my reply is I could step outside and get runover by a truck.
No I will have the operation thank you.

Here comes summer

2005-04-20T22:30:00.000Z

Well we are finally getting some garden furniture soon. Which can only mean one thing! Yeah it will piss down with rain now for summer. Records will show it as being the worst summer on record in the UK.
We will be sitting at the table eating barbecued food with our rain coats on just to get the use out of it. ( "That coleslaw looks watery, oh sorry it is the rain")
Actually could be good for myself too. sitting in the garden and falling a sleep and waking up looking like a lobster.

Not much sleep

2005-04-18T15:20:00.000Z

Well after having a better few days than normal, I was hit by the dreaded tiredness over the weekend. I'd thought I was doing well and it was getting under control but then on Saturday it hit me. It didn't make it better on the Sunday due to the fact I only got 3 hours sleep during the night. I went to bed about half past midnight and after tossing and turning I eventually got off to sleep. I woke up about 4.30am and I couldn't get to sleep after that. I wend down stairs at 7am (only because our daughter had woken up and claimed some of the bed. Mind you I did fall asleep on the sofa and was woken up after 10am.
I had a better sleep last night and I feel better than the weekend, although not the best I have been.

Run to you

2005-04-18T14:32:00.000Z

After watching the London Marathon on television yesterday. I have set myself a challenge. I think even if I was better running the Marathon would be beyond me. Although looking at some of the people who ran it I suppose I could do it.
I would hope to run something like 5km in 3 years time. I know they have 5km runs in my area every year so I would set myself a challenge to run one of those. 5km may not seem much to some people but being unable to walk a distance 5km is a long long length.
I could have said in 2 years but I would rather set my self for 3 years which I feel would be more realistic.

Happy birthday

2005-04-13T23:02:00.000Z

It was Sharon's birthday today. Which of course meant wrapping her present up the day before and writing her card then too. Now come on before you criticize, it's what us men do, Christmas Eve was only invented to tell us men to start wrapping presents. Why do you think men buy women perfume at Christmas (simple because they wrap it for you in the department stores, not daft are we).
Anyway got her an ornament of our daughter (which she had told her about last night, "I got you an ornament for your birthday mummy") I took her too school and called and got some flowers (special occasion of course).
Oh what did I get her? Nothing! Well we are getting some garden furniture so save money getting that.

weekend away

2005-04-11T12:55:00.000Z

We went to a 10th Wedding anniversary on Saturday in Crewe (Cheshire) do a google search to find out about Crewe. We stayed over night in a hotel (only a Travel Inn, nothing posh). Sharon knew more of the people than I did but I did enjoy myself. Of course by the end of the night I was tired, but I don't mind getting tired if I have enjoyed myself.
We then stayed in Crewe on Sunday and went to a barbecue. The weather was very nice after it being a lousy week.
Of course when it was time to come home our daughter didn't want to go home. She wanted to stay at the hotel. I think she associates staying at hotels meaning you go to parties at night. Of course she was very tired too which didn't help.
I came to the conclusion that you could stay in the most luxurious hotels, travel around the world and stay at the most beautiful resorts and yet the one thing you look forward to when you get home is. Your own bed.

April Showers

2005-04-06T20:36:00.000Z

So after March being a good month it now looks like April is having the opposite effect so far. (is this what the Chinese call ying and yang?)
So far this month I have managed to nearly cut my thumb off with a blade. Decided I would drag out the mixer and try and make some coleslaw. Then decided not to and the blade decided to cut my thumb. I must of had a roll of paper on it and a load of plasters, and to cap it off my nose is completely blocked up. I would rather it was running than being blocked up.
Of course this is of no use to you and I suggest you do not read this part. If of course you have arrived at this part then you must of read the full section and all I can say is tough. Still your friend though. :-)

Date for the diary.

2005-04-04T00:31:00.000Z

I have set myself a target of being back at work by 1st July 2005.
Of course I may be lucky and be back at work before that or unlucky and not who is to say, but July 1st is my target.
I have come to the conclusion that if my leg is not any better by then, then it probably won't be better for a long time and whilst I need to deal with the ME/CFS, I don't want the only reason I am off work being because of my leg.
Of course if I did go back to work and my leg was still a problem then my job routine would have to change. (no more running around the store).
So pencil it in your diary 1st July 2005.

Challenge me.

2005-04-04T00:22:00.000Z

Started on Saturday and Sunday to clear the path in the garden. By clearing I mean of weeds and over growing grass. Sharon did ask me to go around the borders and pull the weeds out but me being me got it mixed up. The Path needs doing anyway so I have given myself that challenge.
I decided over the weekend I would do more but by doing more I would take my breaks when I should.
The problem is with M.E./CFS you are told to pace yourself, which I am guilty of not doing as much. We are told to have rest periods. Now my rest periods normally consist of sitting down reading the newspapers or watching television.
So told myself this weekend that I have got to have atleast 3 rest periods during the day. Rest= relaxation. No TV or reading or going on computer. REST.
I will also give myself a challenge each week to do something. I will have to of course publish it on here so you can remind me to do it.

Collapse

2005-04-02T20:41:00.000Z

Decided to pay for a download to do from http://www.gamehouse.com/ They have some great games, but Sharon and I have become addicted to Collapse. Not Super Collapse II but the original game. So after paying for the download by PayPal. I'm concerned now that nothing will get done in or out of the house.
If you want a addictive game then check it out or check any of the games out.
OK advertising over with now.

British subtle way.

2005-03-31T22:46:00.000Z

I did a search to see if anyone was linking to my blog. and this blog shows up,
http://girlrage.blogspot.com/. Unsure what they mean by believe not everyone is stupid and subtle British sort of way.
I am British we are never stupid, well only on a Thursay to Wednesday but the rest of the week we are perfectly normal.
I'd love to know how she came across my blog. My first official stalker, feel dead proud now.

Mad March

2005-03-31T22:35:00.000Z

It's been a good month this March for winning things.
Won DVD of the Incredibles, one Star letter in a magazine, and also won £10 on the UK lottery and £40 on the UK lottery hot picks game.
I prefer to do the hot picks than lottery now. Yes I know you win more on the main game but you have better chances of winning £40 on the HotPicks game than wining £10 on the UK lottery game. Of course we still do the lottery everyweek but If I have a spare Pound I will put it on the hotpicks game.
Sorry to see March go now if I keep winning things.

Star letter

2005-03-31T22:26:00.000Z

I had my first ever letter published in a magazine this week. I won't detail what it was about. The reason I sent it in was I was going to post my thoughts on the magazines forum but has I went on decided it may of been too long to go on a forum so I emailed it off.
Went into buy the magazine and turned to the letters page and there it was star letter. First prize of £25. Now I thought if it was published I would of just been happy to see it in print but to see it as star letter was excellent news.
Of course when I got home and showed it to Sharon she didn't believe it was me. Said my name was common in the area which we live (which it is). I hope when the cheque arrives she says she believes me. Mind you though she's spent the money already. Put it away for our dining room table fund. (Not even got the cheque yet)

Is everyone looking?

2005-03-31T22:12:00.000Z

I've felt low this week. I think it's due to the fact I have been off for 1 year now. One word I always use to describe how I am feeling is frustrated. Of course I could say angry and feeling down but frustrated describes it better.
One of the reason's I felt down was because last week Sharon and her family went out on Good Friday to Chester (England). Of course If I'd been fine I still wouldn't of gone. (Not really my scene going around shops with a bunch of women). The main fact is I would like to go out more with my family for days out, but I feel guilty because I would need to keep stopping for a rest or they would have to wait for me to catch them up. Sharon quite rightly says we could get one of those mobility scooters. I guess I don' t really want to use one of those because like Sharon says I would think everyone is looking at me. But then again I suppose they are looking at me when I use two crutches. Or maybe it is because I imagine pensioners in those scooters not a 33 year male like myself.
I know in my heart I want to go back to work and if I had the choice I would do tomorrow but then I know in my mind I am not ready and that is another thing that frustrates me. I miss going to work and being at work. Not the job itself just the talking to people finding out what everyone is upto.

2005-03-31T22:10:00.000Z

So where are the brakes?

The not so secret diary.

2005-03-29T01:00:00.000Z

When I was younger (many moons ago) I tried keeping a diary. After 5th January the notes inside became shorter (Went to park). By the middle of February I jotted down the odd days when I could remember to do it. My sister on the other hand kept a diary and I would presume she filled it in everyday. Conclusion to this is that men/boys are no good at keeping diaries. Too much hassle or our lifes are too boring to want to remember it (or is that just me?)
We are supposed to use a diary at work, I do the same again write notes in it then I "forget to use it" Reason being I do things on the spur of the moment. I have notes in my pockets telling me what I need to do.
Why am I telling you this? Well because you may notice that I don't post in this blog every day. I mean I would get bored of seeing "got up, etc etc, in pain etc etc" So sometimes I will divert away from things slightly.

Too much time on your hands?

2005-03-21T23:54:00.000Z

Now I may sometimes get bored and twiddle my fingers, but I draw the line at some things.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=909&item=6520231421&rd=1.
Sorry but it may be art to someone but to me it's too much time on your hands.
You put sweets in that and it would fall apart,
Actually I would be more concerned with the person who bought it.

Thanks to the insomniacs

2005-03-19T01:09:00.000Z

I am puzzled has to why this blog is getting so many views. Now I know it can't be me because once I have published the post that is it, I leave it until next time. So who is reading this? Must be the insomniacs around the world. Wonder if they have started a site up for insomniacs with a link to this blog?
You having trouble sleeping then visit this blog, I tried it and within minutes I was out to sleep.
Anyway whoever you are, thank you for reading this. No go and get to sleep.
.
Edit. After putting down this post I had problems with my hit counter so I have had to start again. So no proof that so many people viewed it before.

Snails pace.

2005-03-19T00:02:00.000Z

Sharon phoned me up to ask if I could go and pick our daughter up from school at 1:30pm because she was running late (shopping means running late) OK so I left at just before 1:00pm for a walk that would have normally taken me 10mins over a year ago. I decided to take more slower steps (remembering what the physio said) Still felt tired which ever way I did it. I got near to school and looked at the time on my phone (never wear watches) I thought I better speed up now. Just got to near school and some woman who never seen before said she had seen me pottering about walking up and down her street (makes me sound like a burglar). She said I looked like I was in pain when I pass her house (reminder to self- walk past house less in pain) She then said to me " I see you are getting quicker now though"
Shame she hadn't seen me 10 minutes before, I'm sure I saw a snail lap me twice.

Why bid if you don't want it?

2005-03-18T20:53:00.000Z

Received a negative feedback on ebay yesterday. Not worried really because it was nothing about item not arriving or payment not arriving . It was because the buyer had decided that they didn't want the sony playstaion 2 game I was selling. Ok it was only a few pounds but after me sending them 5 emails asking what was going on I decided I would leave negative feedback about them. They finally replied (funny that) and said they had told me they didn't want the game. Hmmm no sorry you didn't.
Like I said it is not the cost it is more the principle. Why the hell they bid then decide they don't want the item I can't understand.

Does this register?

2005-03-18T06:35:00.000Z

I enter a lot of competitions on the internet. Well why should I pay for a stamp and walk to the post box when I can do it all on here. Seems more logical to me. Some of the prizes that are adveritsed are pretty naff and there's no way I would want to win them. Now I can put up with filling in the online form (use googles autofill for that) and I can quite easily opt out of receiving mail, but what irritates me is some of the sites expect you to register with them and set a password. Now the odd sites I do if they are of interest for me. Then again why would I want to win a contest to go to Australia by registering with www.sheepshearingintheuk.com (this is a made up name by the way). Now I may want to win a Holiday but I am not that desperate that I would have to register with them.

the seventh sense

2005-03-18T01:36:00.000Z

I always decided that this blog would not be about what I did every day. (got up, had breakfast etc etc) after a while I would be bored of reading it myself. I also never intended it to be rivetting reading and to make people read it and think "wow that is amazing" So why bother doing it? No reason and it will just be like 99.9% of the other blogs on the web. But after putting in a counter on this blog I am amazed people are clicking on to read it. It can't be me because after posting it why would I want to read it again? I would suspect they are from people who read it once and think "oh ok remind myself never to read this again" Would like to know that if people keep reading this more than once, why?
You will get to know this about me I tend to knock my self down, don't know why I just seem to do it. I also tend more not to trust people more than I do trust them. If I trust them then I will trust them forever, but I have a 7th sense of not trusting people on first impressions. "Why they being nice to me" "why they want to know where I live" "why do they want to know what I do for work" etc etc.
(wonder if some physcologist will read this and give me a free session, 2nd thoughts probably wouldn't go because I wouldn't trust them). Don't get me wrong not saying that I am a misreable bastard (well not all the time) I do have a dry sense of humour. Which sometimes people have misread as being constructive criticism. (So?)
Right that is the crap over with.

The magical roundabout.

2005-03-14T20:14:00.000Z

I decided yesterday that I'd take my daughter (5yrs) to the cinema. Well we decided on the Saturday but only if she was good. (good old blackmail). Anyway she wanted to go and see The Magic Roundabout. So after paying just over £12 for everything including popcorn and drinks. The popcorn was nice from what I had of it. We sat down to watch the film. Because of my leg I wanted to have an aisle seat, so when I paid for the seats I asked if we could sit anywhere (very much doubt it would have have been full) they said we could. So even though the stubs said row J seats 12 and 13 we sat in any seat. I had visions of someone coming upto me and saying we were sitting in there seats. My answer would have been to say the place is almost empty does it matter?.
The film? I hate to say it but I actually did enjoy it. Not saying it is a classic and it's not in the same class as a Disney film, but for children it was enjoyable.
I can't really remember The Magic Roundabout when I was a child and what I can remember I'm sure it didn't have much of a story. But the story was very good.

2005-03-14T14:06:00.000Z

magic roundabout

Out and about

2005-03-11T03:40:00.000Z

I decided on Tuesday I would get out of the house and walk (try to) around my local town Stockport. well after being dropped off by Sharon I attempted to walk up to the bank and then to few shops.
I must say i was really proud to have managed to walk to a bank and 3 shops in over an hour. Actually one of the shops I spent 15 mins talking to people I knew so by the time I had finished in there I was too tired to carry on. So I decided to get a taxi home (oh the luxury).
How did I feel when I got home? I felt good that I had got out of the house, but I still felt shattered.
Wednesday wasn't any better too. I had to go and see my manager to see how I was getting on. This worries me because the company I work for as been very good to me, but they could quite rightly terminate my contract if they feel my illness could be longterm. What do I do, pretend I am getting better and force myself to go to work knowing that this could make me worse than I already am?
I do feel that if this did happen and I eventually got better I feel the company would take me back. Not that I am blowing my own trumpet but I just feel I could quite easy get a job back with them. Of course the other alternative is to look for a different type of work.

The long and short of it.

2005-03-10T07:42:00.000Z

The Physio came around to see me today and she gave me a couple of more "excercise!" to do. One of the excercises she gave me last time I found I was struggling to do it, so she's gave me a different one instead.
She's told me to carry on using my walking crutches. For short distance walks to walk at normal speed (this will build up my strength in my legs) and for long distance walks (how long!!!!) to walk more slowly (plodding) to build up my endurance. This is partialy reason why I don't get out much with Sharon, it's not fair to her having to wait for me whilst she is walking. Can you imagine going shopping it would cost us a fortune in parking fees.

Where is your item?

2005-03-08T05:24:00.000Z

Yet another story involving eBay. Too think this was to be about me and what I get up to dealing with M.E.
I had an email last week from someone who had paid for a game I had sold but they had not received it yet. I told them I had posted it.
Today again received another email from same person to say that they still had not recieved the item. Now I am 150% certain I posted it. I know because, this may sound silly but going the the post office after taking my daughter to school is not something I would forget is it?
If they want to put in a complaint they can do, I stand by my story and it is the truth.
3 possible solutions- It's gone to wrong address (well who's fault is that then, not mine.
It's got lost in the post.
Someone is telling porkie, and it isn't me.
I wait to see what happens next with this one.

No Pay no show

2005-03-08T02:37:00.000Z

I sold an item on eBay on the 24th February 2005. Up to now I have yet to receive payment for the goods. Now it is only a Sony Playstation game (worth only £3.20) but the point is that why should I advertise the item then have to wait for them to post/pay for the item. Why do they bid for the item if they are not ready to pay for it?
What makes me more angry is the fact that if I give negative feedback they are able to as well. Why? What gives them the right to give feedback if they have not technically purchased the item.

should I be lucky?

2005-03-05T09:58:00.000Z

The worst thing about being off work is that you lose contact with people. I have lost many numbers out of my phone, so now only have a few to keep in contact with. You also don't kept up to date with what's going on, that's what I miss the most- going into work and finding out who went where, who is leaving etc etc.
But when you do keep in contact with people sometimes its to give you some sad news. I found out early this year that a work colleague had died of cancer. This I wouldn't of known if know one had told me. I'm glad they did because even though I knew she was ill I'd hate to of gone into work and asked how is "name" doing.
Another shock was opening our local paper and seeing that another work colleague (not same place but same company) who I knew had died in a car crash.
Sometimes you realise how short life can be and you have to make the most of it.
I also realise that I am lucky with my illness in that it is not serious and WILL go away.
For that I am thankful.

Today is a new day

2005-03-05T08:46:00.000Z

This past week hasn't been my best week. I've felt tired most of the week and on Wednesday I felt down, but I woke up this morning and I felt better than I have done for over a week.
Don't get me wrong I don't mean I feel super-duper great but I didn't feel as tired. Well I did later on in the day but I mean I didn't let it get me down.
Sharon (wife) say's she doesn't like it when I am happy, she thinks I am up to something.
Of course the day could change tomorrow and I could be back to squuare one but I will take each day has it comes.

who is worst?

2005-03-03T07:44:00.000Z

I'm still in two minds has to whether I am sad for doing this blog OR some of the blogs that I have seen are more sadder.
Yes I know people have hobbies and I am sure somepeople want to hear about cuckoo clocks 1950-1980 or your favourite cheeses, or words you can think of that end in ing. (actually may start that one).
But too me that is just boring, You can call mine boring it is a free country (well last time I looked it was) each to their own I guess.

A Drink too much?

2005-03-03T07:32:00.000Z

On Sunday (27th Feb) decided to have some wine with our tea (So?) I can hear you asking. If nothing had happened I wouldn't have posted this, but I had not even had one glass when after finishing my tea I had to go and lie down. I actually felt like I'd had too much, not too much has in hangover but just felt funny. At one point I could have just flopped my head on to the table right there and gone to sleep.

So has well as taking my energy away M.E. takes away my ability to take a drink. Oh good.

That's an incredible win.

2005-03-01T21:58:00.000Z

Received an email to say that I'd won a DVD of The Incredibles from Woolworths. I enter a number of contests online (saves buying stamps) but this is the first one I have won. Oh I did win some train tickets for Manchester to Liverpool last year but never used them. But glad I won this because It's something I would of gone out and bought for my daughter so save some money.

Ebay makes you laugh.(1 of a serious)

2005-03-01T21:55:00.000Z

I do a lot of buying and selling on eBay, mostly Playstation 2 games. I buy them then get bored so i sell them and buy another game. Sometimes I may loose out a couple of quid on the game but it's much better than taking to one of those computer shops in town that only give you a couple of quid anyway.
Now I do charge £1.50 for P+P which to some may seem a lot. But compared to other people who sell games on eBay it is quite cheap. Some of them charge £2.99 for P+P why????.
I received a game this morning, I'd been charged £2.50 P+P Now because the game was cheaper than normal I suppose I shouldn't be too bothered. But what made me mad was the fact that they'd sent the item through their works internal post. Talk about the cheek of it.
Just been looking on the games for sale and this are the best ones so far.
LMA Manager 2002- Starting price £12.00 (No bids) Wow no bids that's amazing. I just bought LMA 2004 for about a £5 so how the hell they think they will get £12 is beyond me. If that goes for that price I am going to offer all my games to the winning bidder.
The Sims - the seller wrote this "
ps2 game the sims,comes with box. i could always send the instructions when i find them". Oh please don't trouble yourself will you?

My symptons

2005-03-01T20:26:00.000Z

Thought it best to do all this seperate, than have it posted on one long post.
I can get very tired very easy, even just doing nothing can make me tired. I have to be on the go which then makes me worse.
My main thing though is my legs. My left leg is very weak, which sometimes gives way when I am walking about. When I sit or lie down it feels like someone is holding them down. I take Co-codamel for the pain which I notice the pain more when I do not take them. ( I have gone a couple of days not taking them and I notice the pain a lot more).
last year I would have about 3 bad days and them 3 good days. Now I have 2 bad days (which do get more worse than the previous bad days I have had) 1 Ok day then couple of good days. Because I have a good day I start to do things I shouldn't do. Instead I should really be saving my energy, but if you have felt like shit over a couple of days you want to get back to normal.

How it started

2005-03-01T20:18:00.000Z

I suffer from M.E. or C.F.S. more detail here http://www.meassociation.org.uk/
I have been off work since March 2004.( This will probably be boring but I decided to put it down so that if I loose my marbles I would have it down for me to look at.)
Ok this is how it all happened or things leading up to it.
I'd come home from work in late 2003 complaining that my legs were aching and I felt tired. I was on shifts working some days 5am- 1.30pm, 9am-5pm, or even 2.30pm -11pm. I would come home from doing the 5am shift and just crash out on the bed or sofa.
I had my first blackout in Dec 03 at work. They wanted to send me to the Hospital but being the stubborn person I was I refused. I went to see my local Dr and he said I had a chest infection. So I had Dec Christmas off work . (Not bad). I went back to work in January 04 and everything was fine - until I had another blackout in middle of March 04. (From what I was told, I was sitting down and my head just flopped to the table, they thought I had knocked myself out).
This time they took me to the hospital and they did test's there which all came out negative. I was sent home to rest.
Now I thought I would be off for couple of weeks to recuparate and then go back refreshed. So 1 year later and still off.
I had all sorts of test done during the year and it was not until they all came back that I was diagnosed with M.E./CFS.
Now I have always been an on the go sort of person. At work I would be running around, I would sometimes miss my lunch because I was in the middle of doing things that I wanted to finish off. I am also I suppose someone who does get very stressed. So I suppose the combination of the 2 if a factor in all this.
Of course questions ask myself is why me? But then I realise I am lucky in the fact that it is not serious and I WILL get over it.

Did you get a cake?

2005-03-01T20:05:00.000Z

Well yesterday (Feb 28th 2005) was 2 years ago since I had my appendix out. Oooh doesn't time fly? I can remember it like it was 2 years ago. lying in the bed with a big drip. A hospital drip not a drippy person, although I was on a ward that reminded me of the film One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
If you have ever had your appendix out you will know what the pain is like. I would of course wish it on my worst enemy. Why? Well because they are my worst enemy, silly.

New look

2005-03-01T20:01:00.000Z

Ok I decided to delete all the previous posts and start again. Reason being? Because I can and I want too, seems a good enough answer.
Anyway you never know Steven Spielberg could be going through people's blogs too see if he can make his next film based on their life. So have to make it look more exciting than it already was.